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Then and Now: Finding My Voice



                                                                                                                       Elaine H. Kim, Korea

Literal Comprehension
“Then and Now: Finding My Voice” is written by Korean writer Elaine H. Kim, Korea. As she has come from Korea, she believes on fortune telling. Once she visited a popular fortune-teller to interpret her saju (horoscope), the arrangement of year, month, day and hour of birth. He said that her saju suggested disaster. On the other hand, women fortune- tellers looked at her saju and said she must have lots of fun in her life. Once, the Korean community center in Oakland sponsored a fund-raising party. Some fortune-tellers were also featured at the party. The writer asked one to tell her fortune. He said whatever shaped her goals and ideas happened to her between the ages of twelve and seventeen. But she said it was all wrong because that period was the unhappiest and most difficult period in her life. During and after the Korean War, her house in Maryland was often filled with Korean refugees to the US. The other challenge she faced during her teens was the disjuncture between the people and culture inside and outside her house. People inside her house spoke Korean, ate Korean food and talked about Korea. But outside her house, none knew much about or interested in Korea. Those who had heard of Korea thought it was a state in Japan or China. The 1950s was also a period of violence and discrimination for people of color. African Americans were forced to live in segregated neighborhoods. Moreover, they were victimized by the police. Though Asians were allowed to live in white neighborhoods, the writer’s brother was beaten daily by white boys. The writer was also harassed in her school. Besides, she was not invited into white people’s homes. She was treated as a perpetual outsider or foreigner.
In such a difficult situation, the writer was determined to become a cheerleader (a person who leads the cheer or applause, especially, at a sports event). Her determination to be a cheerleader was her attempt to be popular and to be recognized. However, her success in becoming the cheerleader did not bring her any new identity. Rather she developed the feeling of isolation and alienation.
Her suffering brought her new understanding. The difficulties and confusion during her teens inspired her to learn about history when she grew up. She learned that she was not alone in her suffering. She learned about racism, American women’s and African American’s struggle for equality and social justice. As a result of her struggle for identity, she discovered herself. Her experiences stimulated her to work to educate people against racism and sexism. That work helped her better understand herself and appreciate others. Now she found herself strong with a new voice.


Interpretation
This essay is about a struggle of an Asian-American woman to find her identity in a
country where she is treated as a foreigner. It shows how she suffers as an Asian-American
the woman in a white male dominated society of America and how she discovers herself with a
strong voice.

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