Marriage Is a Private Affair

Chinua Achebe

Apply the four levels of reading to “Marriage is a Private Affair”

Literal Comprehension

            While living in Lagos Nnaemeka is engaged to marry Nene, a cosmopolitan girl of another tribe. She is a teacher. But on the other hand, his father has already chosen a girl called Ugoye Nweke from the same tribe. So the boy goes home one day and tells his father about his aim. But his father doesn’t accept his son’s choice because it is not arranged by himself and she is not from the same tribe. Moreover she is a teacher. His father tries to convince him not to marry her, but Nnaemeka is determined to marry Nene. So his father becomes unhappy and decides to forget his son forever. Even the villagers don’t like this marriage. After marriage, their life becomes pleasant. gradually the society accepts them. At the end, when Okeke receives a letter from his daughter-in-law saying that his two grandsons are interested to meet their grandfather, he is filled with remorse and love.

Interpretation                                                                                                                                     Achebe is trying to show us the struggle against the old traditions of the tribal people living in Nigeria. He is also showing that marriage can be a private affair for educated. Nnaemeka and Nene are educated and think that marriage is a private affair and they are really very happy after their marriage. That is the best family in the society. Because of prejudiced, conservative and narrow minded attitude of society, Nnaemeka’s father doesn’t accept him at the beginning. As the time changes, he realizes he is fighting the losing battle. He is filled with remorse and love when he came to know about his grandsons who are willing to meet him. So there is victory for Nnaemeka and Nene at the end.

Critical Thinking

            The story is interesting to read. We see difference in the attitude of marriage. I think parents are much more experienced than children and they do everything for the children’s welfare. If it is so, I don’t think it is reasonable to give up Nnaemeka when he decides to marry Nene. A father should also know that time is changeable. Narrow mindedness and prejudice don’t bring happiness. Being angry with his son, Okeke mutilates the wedding picture. He cuts the head of the picture of Nnaemeka’s wife. I think it is cruel and passionless activity. At this, Nnaemeka tells his wife Nene that his father is essentially good natured and will look more kindly on their marriage. But such a person, who mutilates the wedding picture and says that he has nothing to do with his son, can never be good natured. Okeke says that Christian woman shouldn’t be a teacher. But is there any discrimination in Christianity? Aren’t all human beings equal to God?

Assimilation

             Time is changeable. One should not cling to his culture blindly. The story has strengthened my idea to new tradition. If we cannot get happiness and further development from old tradition, then we should be able to give up them. Nnaemeka marriage Nene giving up old traditions. He doesn’t like to marry Ugoye Neweke who is not suitable for him. With Nene he is really happy and that family becomes the best family in the society. So if there is good understanding between the people who are in love and if there is possibility of better and happier life after marriage, they should marry with each other. In this case, in my opinion, different linguistic group or religions or tribes or nationalities or castes don’t matter.

Q. ‘Marriage is a private affair’ revolves around the conflicts between Nnaemeka and his father.

a.   Please describe this conflict.  b. Explain the reasons for this conflict.

c.    Is this conflict ever resolved?  d. Relate a similar conflict from your own life.

Ans. The story moves around the conflict between father and son. Nnaemeka is a young boy born in Ibo-Land. He lives in the capital city Lagos, doing there a job. He loves a girl called Nene. She is a girl born and brought up in the open culture. She is also a teacher in a school. Nnaemeke goes to the village and requests his father to allow him to marry the girl. Okeke, the father of Nnaemeka, objects to his decision because Nene does not belong to the same tribe. In spite of his father’s objection, Nnaemeka determines to marry her.

             In fact, the conflict between father and son is the conflict between old value and new customs. This conflict arises because of the generation gap. Older generation takes marriage as a family affair. They think that it should be determined according to religion, customs and tradition, but the young generation does not think so. According to Nnaemeka, marriage is unification between two souls and education, ability and good understanding are the most important things which should be followed while selecting a life partner. Nnaemeka takes a bold decision to break old tradition and gets married to her.

                 After Nnaemeka and Nene get married, they live in Lagos with complete happiness and satisfaction. Okeke has already warned him not to come back home again. Everybody from the village criticizes him. After eight years, Okeke receives a letter from Nene. She asks permission to let his two grandsons visit him, who are very eager to meet their grandfather. After reading the letter, his stone heart melts and realizes his mistake and accepts then, marriage is a private affair. In this way, conflict is resolved.

                  We can see such conflict in our Nepalese society. In our society, marriage is allowed to perform with similar caste and similar social status.

Q.     Okeke draws on Christianity to boost his opposition to his son’s Marriage to Nene. In your view, does Okeke act in accordance with Christ’s teachings? Can you cite any passage from the bible which may support your interpretation? (Q. 4. P. 168)

Ans.   Okeke, having been deeply rooted and brought up in a Christian society, whose main foundation rested upon the teachings upon the bible, draws upon Christianity to boost his opposition to his son’s marriage. His main argument is that Nene does not belong to their tribe. Intermarriage between different castes is never heard of in their tribe, as one of the elders of the tribe comments, ‘It has never be heard’, when they hear of Nnaemeka’s marriage to a girl outside their tribe.

                 Thus, according to the teachings of the Bible, Okeke’s reaction seems justified. For example, in the Book of Ezra, it has been stated that God has commanded that the people of Israel will not give their daughters in marriage to the sons of the people whose land they possess, or take their daughters for their own sons. So from the point of view of the Bible teaching, Okeke’s reaction seems justified, but on the other hand, as Nnaemeka point out his father that marriage today is a different affair, makes Okeke’s stubborn opposition a bit unjust.

Q.  In your opinion, is marriage among tribal people in Nigeria a private affair? (Q.5. p.168)

Ans.   According to Okeke and his villager’s reaction to Nnaemeka’s marriage to a girl outside their tribe, shows that marriage among Tribal people in Nigeria is not a private affair. It is taken for granted that the sons will marry girls chosen by their parents, as Okeke had taken for granted that Nnaemeka will marry the girl of his choice. So he is shocked and disappointed by his son’s open rebellion. And as one of the elders who represents the sentiments of all, states, ‘It has never been heard of’ shows that marriage is not a private affair, but the affair of everyone. Even at Lagos, the women from Nnaemeka’s tribe, treat his wife in such a way that Nene felt she did not belong to them. Thus, it seems that marriage is not a private affair among the tribes in Nigeria.

Q.  Short story writers sometimes are just relating a good tale. But sometimes they may be trying to teach us a lesson, convince you of a belief thy hold, or make us see things their way. So, to understand literature, we must move beyond the literal meaning:

a.    State what, in your opinion, are the points Achebe is trying to make.

b.     Explain your reasons for believing that these are the points he is trying to make.

c.    Support your argument with illustrations from the story itself. (Q. 11. P.168)

Ans.  In the story, ‘Marriage is a Private Affair’, Chinua Achebe captures the customs and set ways of thinking of his tribesman. Okeke represents the set customs and traditions of his tribesman, and Nnaemeka, Okeke’s son, represents the breaking away from the rigid customs and traditions of his tribesman.

             Through these two characters, the points that the writer is trying to make is that man must not be too rigid in his views in some matters of life, and that marriage is a private affair, the affair of the individuals who are to marry.

               The story begins with the conflict between father and son- Okeke and Nnaemeka. Nnaemeka wants to marry the girl he loves, whereas, Okeke opposes the marriage solely because she does not belongs to their tribe, it is not in their custom to marry a girl outside their tribe. Everyone of the villagers too think that it is not done. Show by showing his rebellion against his father’s view by marrying Nene, Nnaemeka represents the rebellion against one’s irrational beliefs and traditions. And in the end, by showing the remorse of Okeke at his resolution, the writer is trying to state that like Okeke, one should away with irrational customs and go along with the present time. He is also trying to state that marriage is a private affair, as in the case of Nnaemeka and Nene who are leading a happy married life despite the stiff opposition from the olders.

Q.6         In Nepal, most of the people are still following old traditions. The people from villages and the older people from city areas, like to choose their daughter in law themselves. They think it is their duty. They look for a girl who is from the same caste, religion, tribe etc. of the boy. If these things are opposed by the son, who is going to marry, he is strongly hated. So, for these people, marriage is not a private affair.

In city areas, only some educated people think that marriage is a private affair. These are seen choosing their wives themselves. They don't care about the difference in castes, religions, tribes etc. They give emphasis in the suitable match, happiness and further progress in their life. They say that time in changeable and one must move according to time. If the old traditions are useless, they are ready to remove them from society. They think such traditions as obstacles for better progress in life.

Since Nepal is a traditional society, except for some educated people, arranged marriage is supposed to be better in the society. As a whole, in the above sense, we can say that marriage in Nepal is not a private affair.